"The Tame Apple press has responded with horror after a woman who tried to buy too many iPhones was tasered by cops who feared for her sanity.

"A university research director has shown that Apple's iPad 2 is as fast as the Cray-2 vector super-computer out of Cray Research from the 1980's. With some work to to the software, the iPad 2 performance benchmark result is quite impressive..."

"Late Friday, a US jury finally returned a verdict in the month long trial and Cupertino should be thrilled by the outcome. The court ordered Samsung to pay Apple $1.05 billion in damages. What’s more, the jury backed nearly all Apple claims. Apple welcomed the verdict, but also announced that it would petition the court to triple the damages, as it had originally asked for $2.7 billion in damages.

"Apple did not invent designs for the iPad but just nicked ideas which had been kicking around the technology industry for a decade. According to Samsung evidence, which is being presented in the patent trial, Apple’s IP is invalid. Samsung already argued that Apple’s pinch-to-zoom patent was stolen from Mitsubishi’s old Diamond Touch and yesterday it showed the jury with videotaped testimony from Roger Fidler.

"Apple may have considered AMD's Fusion platform for the MacBook Air before settling on Intel. Aside from production issues with limited available quantities, there are important performance reasons for Apple to keep using Intel processors..."

No, this is no joke he's actually no longer with us!

"We are deeply saddened to announce that Steve Jobs passed away today. Steve’s brilliance, passion and energy were the source of countless innovations that enrich and improve all of our lives. The world is immeasurably better because of Steve. His greatest love was for his wife, Laurene, and his family. Our hearts go out to them and to all who were touched by his extraordinary gifts." ~ Apple’s Board of Directors

"August 24, 2011–To the Apple Board of Directors and the Apple Community: I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come. I hereby resign as CEO of Apple. I would like to serve, if the Board sees fit, as Chairman of the Board, director and Apple employee. As far as my successor goes, I strongly recommend that we execute our succession plan and name Tim Cook as CEO of Apple."

"Carl Ippolito, 52, a youth baseball umpire, returned to his car after a game to find his iPhone was missing. With a regular phone, the story would have ended there, but luckily (for we the media that is, not Ippolito) Ippolito had an iPhone, and so did his son. Together the pair used Find My iPhone on his son’s iPhone to track Carl’s missing phone to an alley near a lumber yard. There Ippolito came upon hapless Brent Johnson, 27, who just happened to be talking on an iPhone. What happened next is pure awesomeness:

"According to ZDNet, the volume of in-the-wild malware reports on discussions.apple.com is truly exceptional.

"Employees at Foxconn facilities in China, used to manufacture the iPhone and iPad, were forced to sign a pledge not to commit suicide after over a dozen staff killed themselves over the last 16 months.